why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
