a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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