I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
