and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
