i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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