Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
a search helicopter?!
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
