3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
