I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
