he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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