Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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