Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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