im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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