i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Found the puke drawer
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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