ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
