How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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