"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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