i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
