need another drink. this is the easiest way
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
