So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
