I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
