Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Randomize
