dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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