You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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