How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
