Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
