I am puke
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
