I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
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