Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
