absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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