I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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