I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
