that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
