oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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