Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
