All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
