I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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