I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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