You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
