just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
