One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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