I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
