There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
