Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
