We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
