the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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