is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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