My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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