Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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