batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
