You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
