I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
