Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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