I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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