I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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