yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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